On any given football Sunday, when a flag is thrown on your team or the opponent, it evokes emotion. The result in a flag-on-the-field when you are on the team is being thrown on pushes you back you up the field in the wrong direction of the goal line.
By definition, a yellow flag is thrown during a game proving that a team mate did something wrong during a play that is being shown to their team mates, opponents and thousands of screaming fans and punishment is about to follow. Sometimes a team can beat the ref by pulling something off that they shouldn’t have but when you do that too often, it’s only a matter of time before you do get caught. The ref is there to make sure you don’t cheat and keep the playing field fare. While The Marriage Playbook teaches you how to work as a team, however, the penalties in marriage are not against other teams, unlike in sports, your flag is thrown because of an offense you have committed toward your spouse.
In your marriage, the basic principles of the game apply. When you commit a penalty, you will get caught and it will evoke emotions that have to be dealt with in a healthy manner so that unity and oneness are created among the team. When a player can’t trust his teammates, they won’t rely on you and as distance grows between you, you find yourself sitting on the bench and not in the game.
This first and most called penalty in a game is Holding. It’s a 10 yard back up with each infraction and by football terms means when a player Illegally grasps or pulls an opponent other than the ball-carrier while attempting toward off a block or cover a receiver. If a penalty for holding that occurred in the offense’s end zone is accepted, a safety results which means 2 points for the other team.
In marriage holding sounds like what you would do to snuggle or show love to your spouse but when referenced to holding as a penalty, this is when you are personally, whether physically or emotionally, are holding your spouse from being the best version of themselves.
Your spouse has goals for their life, for your family and for your marriage. By not knowing what these are, you are holding them back…FLAG! By saying words that put them down or not encouraging them when they do well or need a pick me up to stay focused, you are holding them back…FLAG!!! When you allow your own dreams to interfere with your spouses dreams, you are holding them back…FLAG!
Just like in football, you can recover from a penalty by going above and beyond the previous play. It’s not just about getting the first down or even making forward progress as a team, you have to do whats right to get beyond a first down; making up for the penalty and gaining momentum back in the game. You have to give confidence in your team that you can still score by working together and being on the same page. Removing selfish desires and putting your spouses needs/dreams ahead of your own can negate a holding penalty.
In the grande scheme, you are going to mess up and cause holding penalties in your marriage. The way out of it is to have a plan for how to change that behavior so it doesn’t back you so far up the field that you have to punt the ball.
The Marriage Playbook
~where marriage is going~
