The wrapping paper and boxes have gone from tree-side to curb-side this morning. Coming off the traditions of the family, friends and giving and receiving, I, myself, have a pile of boxes and tissue paper at my feet just waiting to be reused next year.

Looking back over the pictures of how full the tree looked before Christmas morning, I realized how blessed of a year it’s been. Not blessed in the things or stuff we have but the lives around us. Each present or Christmas card we received represented a relationship we have with someone. You care enough about those people to acknowledge them during the busy season and vice versa. Some relationships are expressed in multiple gifts or more expensive goodies, however, there is a level of doing for others that comes ONLY at Christmas time.

In the midst of one of the hardest years, I can’ help but think that this is the season that helps us redefine what our relationships are about. What do they stand for in your life? People who flow in and out of our year are like presents we get under the tree. Some we only enjoy for a brief time/experience like candy in the stocking, while others are keepsakes that you enjoy for years to come like a picture or game system but much like the presents themselves; you have to take it out of the pretty wrapping/box for it to  be full enjoyed. No matter how exciting they may be brand new or how amazing the wrapping looks, there’s a deeper level of enjoyment that comes from opening them up and investing time into the enjoyment of that present.

Nothing can be more empty than to live our lives by putting things in a box and leaving them there. Whether that’s your friendships, your marriage, your faith or even yourself. Limiting any or all of these brings people into depression or anger. I’ve seen this year alone ways that I missed out on greater things from people, my wife and my God because I chose to keep that part of them isolated or part of myself in a box. You might say it’s because we guard our hearts because we’ve been hurt in the past but that’s what the journey of life and love should be about; opening ourself up to love hard. People are put into our life for a reason but we get out of it what we put into it.

As the New Year starts, it’s all about the ‘do-overs.’ We get second chances to make good on those relationships that may be failing/judged, draw boundaries around those that need protection while truly looking at where we wanna go in life based on faith or personal growth. This can help us raise the bar in our life.

There will be those you reach out to that won’t want to be reached for and all you can do is let them know that you are there for them when THEY are ready. Your journey is different then their’s are even if it looks similar at times. Healing and trust are those areas in life that have no set timetable; it varies for everyone. All you can do is take things outta the “boxes” you’ve been keeping them in and open yourself up to the pretty things that await inside.

The Marriage Playbook

~where marriage is going~

As more and more information has come out about Tiger first let me say, what Tiger did was wrong.  Cheating is never ok.  Right now you are probably feeling torn by the love you have for him and the anger you feel toward him. Emotions run all over the place. The desire to hurt him like he hurt you has to be overwhelming.  I’ve read that you want to stay for the kids. I commend that, but at the same time the kids will eventually grow up and then what?

I have sat in a very similar situation. While my husband isn’t world famous he did step outside our marriage twice. It is the most painful experience I have ever lived through, but today I would not give anything to change it. I am wiser and a better person for it.

People think marriage is easy when they first get into it. “Oh, I love them, we will never have problems.” This could not be further from the truth. As life begins to happen, human nature is to fall into routines.  The problem with this is everything becomes predictable and that new exciting new love feeling fades. If we don’t choose to continue to love deeply and emotionally one or both partners begin to look for excitement elsewhere.  That excitement isn’t always an affair.  Sometimes it is a new sport, or a band or some other thing that brings something new into their life, without causing them to step outside of marriage and those are good activities to encourage.

The problem is for guys who played the field a lot before their marriage, the thought of that chase is hard for them to get past even once they say “I do.” The mistake we as wives make is thinking old ways won’t come back once things get routine.  I personally thought it was better to not show jealousy when a woman was around my husband. I wrongly thought that showing jealousy would turn him off. Instead it made him think I didn’t care.

Another mistake I made was putting the kids before the marriage. I wrongly thought that since the children were helpless and my husband was not that the kids deserved all my attention and my husband got the leftovers.  What man wants to come home to that?  Again, not saying that it was ok for him to stray, but there are always two sides and we as wives have to look at what part we played in all this as well.

At this point, though, you are dealing with trust. Trust takes a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Rebuilding that trust takes even longer. You may be asking yourself, how do I ever trust him again? How can you let him out of your sight?  The answer here is, you have to. If you live your life worrying about every moment he is out of your sight you will become the angry, bitter wife that he never wants to come home to.  It is like a double edged sword. The very person you don’t want to be is who you can become if you hold onto it.  Forgiveness is not saying what the other person did was ok, but saying I am going to let it go and let God deal with it. Holding a grudge does not hurt the other person, it only hurts those of us who hold onto it.

The Marriage Playbook

~where marriage is going~

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If you ever been to a professional football game, the PA announcer helps you keep up with the game. Telling you which down, how many yards to the next 1st down marker as well as penalties and so forth.

One thing that jumped out at me while at a recent game for the Indianapolis Colts, I noticed the PA guy saying like

“Manning s pass incomplete”, “Intended for  Reggie Wayne”

It hit me that as a player, that must take some getting use to; to hear your flaws of the game pointed out like that. The crowd saw it, you know what you did and know what you need to do to make up for it, but to have a big booming voice shout it out, just seems like salt in the wound.

Outside of sports, there is no other profession where your flaws are pointed out like so; Imagine though if that happened in your marriage.

As you execute something, you hear: “Steve’s conversation incomplete, intended for his wife, Sally” I’m thankful we don’t have this!

We miss the mark on things in our life and in our marriage. However, we don’t always know when we have messed up or even know how to fix it. If you are not sure what the status of your marriage is in or what you actions need to be to show love to your spouse, simply ask them.

Expectations are unmet in marriage all the time all because we don’t share anymore what we would like to see happen to receive love. a good starting point is unveiling your spouses love language so you can communicate properly.

Even when we think things are great between us and your spouse, there is always ways to make it better.

A solid team never stops working on the fundamentals on the field. Without the basics in working order, a team can quickly turn a winning season into a losing one and vice versa.

You championship season starts now!

The Marriage Playbook

~where marriage is going~

In your marriage, the holidays may be something you fear due to stress. If you are on the flip side and don’t have issues during the holidays, you are a minority. Each holiday has it’s own set of traditions, customs and even seasons. Regardless of the traditions you keep for whatever the holiday, parts of your childhood or even region you live in can affect what you do during the holidays.

You can cut down on the stress this year doing a few things to make the holidays more enjoyable.

1. Set limits

Don’t try to do everything. Limit you and your spouse/family to one big event and maybe a few little ones. Some couples choice one side of the family for Thanksgiving and the other side for Christmas. Talking about the things you like and dislike about the holidays is the start of doing only the things you like.

2. Create New Traditions

After you got married, there were traditions you were use to that made it feel like the holidays and once kids came along, you made new ones for them. Combing the two can be overwhelming to continue and regardless of what the rest of your family may think or want you to do, you have to set the tone for your family. Don’t be afraid to talk about your expectations during the holidays with your spouse. Unmet expectations in marriage causes so many longer lasting issues and you can avoid them by simply being honest. Be compassionate about how you handle it and don’t dictate only what you want but make the holidays you want to remember by allowing equal banter/input.

Hopefully, these ideas will help you be able to enjoy the holidays and not be wishing they were over.

The Marriage Playbook

~where marriage is going~