Saying I Love You is sometimes boring, routine or even hard to say. Depending on how often you were told or shown love growing up may have a  lot to say with your ability to show love in your marriage.

With today’s technology, mixed tape is a more like a mixed playlist or mixed CD. When you can’t find the words, a great way to encourage your own creativity is by making a ‘mixed tape’ for your spouse. It can be of the songs you loved during your dating time that take you back, it can be of songs from your wedding, or songs that you know express the love of your life. Not to mention that love expressed with music has such a lasting impression.

 If you have been working on your marriage for some time and the struggles have become out of control, there is still one final step that you may be willing to try.

 Put your marriage in God’s hands.

 Even if you know nothing about what the Bible says on God promises for marriages, you’ve tried it your way and now it’s time to change the batter so the cake comes out different. God wants us to submit to His will, this is an area of your life that you have tried your way. We’ve made mistakes. You can repair your relationship with your spouse and no matter what you say or do on your own, there is something God does to the heart that we will be able to do on our own; Show us Unconditional Love.

 I understand you may think that God can’t fix it or that you don’t believe He exists at all but this is where you can see true faith play out. By placing your marriage in God’s hands, you are saying “God I can’t do it right so if you are truly there, show me that you exist by healing mine and my spouse’s heart.”

 We are imperfect people yet expecting a perfect marriage and that’s not possible. We have to create a marriage of resiliency that can ONLY exist with God at the center.

NOTE: Giving your marriage to God doesn’t mean that it will be saved or you will stay together but it does mean that you are learning to trust His will and handing over your life so that you and your spouse can find peace with God; even if the marriage has to fail for that to happen.

 I’ve seen many times that when we put marriage in God’s hands, He shows up and shows off.  I mean the Bible says He created it, so why wouldn’t He know how it works and functions for his benefit.

 The Marriage Playbook

Where marriage is going

One of the main benefits to create a Marriage Playbook of your own is having fans of your ‘team’ that love in the best and worst seasons of your relationship; the 12th Man. The 12th Man is your couple/person of accountability. They cheer for you in the good times and help you rally from behind when you’re marriage/team isn’t firing on all cylanders.

There is one dangerous thing to remember about in having a 12th Man or being a 12th Man. It should never be about a man helping a woman or vice versa. The danger in the opposite sex helping others in the trials of their marriage, it can cause an emotional connection that can lead to emotional/physical affairs.

It’s ok to help in couples situations so you have the acountability of your spouse knowing the direction of the conversation. When you don’t have that, a compassionate ear can quickly turn, over time, into flirting, inappropriate discussions or worse.

We’ve seen great things occur when husband’s help each other and wives help each other but these boundaries need to be in place for you marriage to reap the benefits.

On Graduation Day 1996, I, like millions of others, celebrated a milestone that took a load off my back after only five-and-a-half years. The commencement was nothing special, but the party afterward is one that had some real significance in my life. It was the first time my biological father and mother had been in the same room in over a decade. My future wife was there, as were my childhood friends and all my family. The one person who was missing that day was Birdman. Now, who’s Birdman???

Bill “The Birdman” Thomas is my Godfather.  He and my parents went to high school together, and his whole life he dedicated himself to radio. He was my entry gate to radio and even gave me my first shot on the air back in 1992. I tell people that my life is well rounded. I grew up with a father, a stepfather, a Godfather and a Heavenly Father.

Bird is my idol. He was fun to be around, always knew how to make you laugh by telling a joke, a story, or one-liner in such a way, at just the right moment, that even strangers would love him from the first minute on. He would even go so far as to do physical gags that made him the life of the party. He’d sit down with kids and a plate full of cupcakes to make a mess with them just to hear them laugh.  Bird is a hero to me. Spending time with him in the early 1990s formed ideas and character traits in me that still drive me even to this day. I have never met anyone that can compare.

See, graduation, in all its fun and glory, wasn’t the same because just seventeen months earlier, Bird died of cancer. Losing him was the single worst day of my life. Just the thought of it brings me to tears even now. Bird never, I mean never, let on to me how much pain he was in or what he was feeling because he was just that way. When I started hanging out with Bird regularly after he moved back to Birmingham, Alabama, I was pretty outgoing but high-strung. We did so much together.  Movies, eating out, just runn around town was an adventure with him. He always knew how to start a convo with a stranger and I learned that from Birdman. His words to this day ring in my head, “CHILL OUT!!!” It’s amazing how two little words can make you see yourself more clearly.

The upside to Bird’s death was the relationship I got to start with his sister Roberta. She was fun like Bird, and she was even at graduation.

The time came at the party to open gifts, and I got a lot of stuff that day. Money is what I mostly remember, which was great because in college we all learn money is more fun to spend when you have some. However, the gift I got from Roberta did more to start me on my life journey than the degree I’d just received…. It was Bird’s watch.

Bird used to wear this gold-and-silver-banded Mickey Mouse watch that was really more of a dress-up kind of watch, but even in shorts and flip-flops, Bird wore this watch. I have changed the band to fit more my style of dress but even with today’s technology and having a clock on my computer, cell phone, etc. I wear this watch because it was his.

When I opened the box, I immediately started to tear up. I hadn’t seen the watch for more than seventeen months. It still looked just the way it had when I saw it on Bird last. It had a few small scratches on the face but ran great.

Roberta had added one thing though, an inscription. When I turned the watch over and saw the back of Bird’s watch, two words were inscribed:

ALWAYS FLY

This was so fitting for me at this time. Bird flew through life and left a huge impression on me and on others around him. Throughout my life I wanted to be like Bird for those same reasons: to affect people in a way that left a huge impression, a positive impression. This has become part of my “creed.” ALWAYS FLY. I even have this in a tribute tattoo on my left arm.

William "The BirdMan" Thomas

Everyone at one time in his or her life has learned something either through trial and error or just simple advice that a mentor, friend, or pastor has shared. Once we get that knowledge we then have several options. One is to do nothing. Another is to keep it to ourselves in the hope that we will succeed and leave the rest of the world as a squashed bug under our feet. A third option is to apply it and maybe share it with others so they can benefit from our wisdom and experiences. My hope is that you’d pick the latter, but the choice is yours.

The thought might cross your mind, as it does mine more times than I care to count, that you wish someone had told you that piece of advice earlier in life. That little nugget might have saved you time, money, effort, tears, relationships, jobs, etc. That’s why the marriage playbook was created. It is not about any big profound wisdom, but simple truths that God has used to open my mind and marriage. And if you apply these truths, God can allow you to affect people’s lives in a positive way. That includes YOURS TOO!