When it comes to anything we do, good or bad, it’s habit. Smoking, drinking, cursing, brushing your teeth, eating on the left or right side of your mouth and even working out. These are all things that come natural to us.

In our marriage, we have created good and bad habits. Most couples get out of the good habits that we’re in early in their relationship. We go on dates, buy flowers and go places that are outta-of-our-way ways to show love to our future spouse. Its’ after we get comfortable and/or lazy that these things stop.

In the same that a player has to make adjustments to get out of bad habits they have created on the court/field, we have to unlearn what we have learned in those habits that keep us from being the best player on our team.

The way to start is to ask your spouse what thing(s) you do that they like and what are the things you use to do that they miss.

Just  being aware of those ways that once won your spouse’s heart will soon win it back and draw you closer then you ever thought possible.

After a full summer of traveling, my 8 year old daughter comes to me this week saying, “Daddy you are so fun, but you are also so busy.” These words resonate in my own mind everyday without the help of anyone, let along my own daughter, to make me feel guilty on this matter.  I know that I have 4-5 ‘jobs’ that require my time plus a few things of leisure that could constitute as ‘busy’, but I’m realizing that if the devil can’t make me bad, he’ll make me busy; Even when something is hidden as ministry, it can often take my time away from family and my wife.

We all seem to battle the busy. I know my situation is no different than anyone else. I’ve even learned the hard way in previous years that I need to say “No” more often and trust me I do say it. However, I can’t help but think about what kind of impression I’m leaving on my kids. If they see me as busy all the time, when they look back on their childhood, will I have been there for them? I see them wanting to stay busy in their little worlds already. This feels very “Cat’s in the Cradle” to me. There’s cycle here that I’m not quite sure we can ever really break.

The busy cycle takes over when we feel called to do something. Then other opportunities come along that excite us or we feel we are the only ones capable of doing and so we say “YES.” Then when it gets to be too much, we pull back and that’s good for a while till something else comes along and we fall right back into that web that busy weaves around us. Then our kids see us and they are doomed to repeat it. I saw my own Dad battle the busy his whole life and even in retirement, he can’t slow down.

As the bread winner/head of the house, there are certain responsibilities and expectations that are put on me. Even if it’s put there by myself, it’s still a very real level of busy that exist.  These things I do with great passion and each one for different reasons. I’m finding that I take my family with me to all that I can. I’m blessed to have the kind of jobs that are just as much play as they are work. As I sit here writing this, I realize that it’s at the end of a day full of busy family stuff and the whole day thinking about the things that need my attention only to find that I have the same thoughts when I’m working and thinking what personal time I need to be injecting into my kids/wife.

With school starting back, schedule conflicts are about to hit the gas pedal and I begin to fear what I might miss. What one thing today can I push off into the waste basket that no one will notice? How do we learn to have an identity outside of home, outside of work, outside of our roles as husband/wife; all while still juggling them under God’s intention for our life?!?

I find my prayer for us all is that “we do our best and that our best is more than good enough.”  No one I know ever looks back on life thinking/wishing that they had worked more, cut their grass more or had more stuff to do. They all want more time with their family, more money to pamper them with and years back to build/show love. I’m realizing that I’m blessed to not be so busy that I couldn’t stop feel guilty and see it before it’s too late.

The Marriage Playbook

~where marriage is going~

As the world comes at us in every direction, The Marriage Scrimmage wants to shape marriages as they create a playbook of their own that can help be ready for those moments in life that can destroy a relationship. By creating a defense and an offense for their marriage, these daily scrimmages will be like a pep rally for your listeners to make the most of their marriage and challenge them to be play like Champions!

This Week: Surviving the Pre-Season of Marriage

Facebook and Your Marriage More on their new book is found here.

Avoiding Clockwork Sex

What to Expect from the Scrimmage CD Series

Former Minnesota Viking Joe Jackson

Reggie Hodges from the Cleveland Browns and his wife Arin

No Greater Love

Super Bowl Champs & Super Bowl Loss

What in the “Favre” are you doing in your marriage?

Faking out the Other Team

Success with New Year’s Resolutions

Chris Sanders, Former Wide Receiver/Tennessee Titans

Tiger Woods and Your Marriage

Surviving the Holidays

Taking a Chance on the Field

Can A Marriage Survive An Affair?

Recap: Ace McKay shares personal Struggles with Jerry Woods from Ashville, NC’s 106.9 the Light

Learning from the Coach

Will Bartholomew from the Denver Broncos

Learning from our Mistakes on the Field

Starting a NEW Season in Your Marriage

Million Dollar Man

Bull Bramlett

What Can we learn from Jon and Kate Plus 8

Coming from Behind to Win

Winning Like Champions

The Masters

March Madness

Being Like Vince Young

The Treadmill

The Workout

Coach Dungy

The Presidential Marriage

Win Like Dungy

The Armband

A Better Marriage in the New Year

Talking About Sex

Drama in Your Marriage

The ‘Amazing Race’ of Marriage

Being Your Husband’s Cheerleader

The 12th Man

Talking about Money pt1

Talking about Money pt2

Singer Phil Stacey on His Marriage Struggles

Phil Stacey on fatherhood

Phil Stacey on Marriage

Phil Stacey on the 1st 10 Years of Marriage

Working As a Team

Fireproof producer Stephen Kendrick

Fireproof’s Kirk Cameron

Matthew West

The Playbook

Marriage of Resiliancy

Archives Avaliable and FREE through iTunes!

Powered by iTunes

There’s t least one couple in your life that you look up to; Someone who is in the midst of living out a marriage that has been through the tough stuff and on the other side still together. Take the time to go to lunch of coffee with them. Ask them what they have done to make their marriage last. You’ll be amazed at how similar your marriages are/or will be and you will learn so much from them that will better your marriage.

The Bible says that we should have no outstanding debt between us except the debt of love to one another. So in the same way that we forgive out of love, we should show grace too.
There is a difference between forgiveness and grace. To forgive is for something that has happened. Grace is for something that is currently happening. It could be toward a co-worker, family member, the guy in traffic or even your spouse.
The reason we show grace is because there will be time when we need someone to show us grace, even when we don’t deserve it, and your attitude can set the tone and may be change that other person’s mood for the day. We never know what kind of day, week or year someone may be having and to just let them get the better of us and snap off at them is harsh.
This is an exercise in love and patience but by honoring that person, you are showing honor to God and to yourself.

Sex is a topic that married couples don’t talk about much. If we can open up the communication lines of letting our spouse know what you like, dislike, fantasy positions/places and etc. then we can help keep our sex life amazing. We never run outta ideas to keep sex from being routine and we learn how to satisfy each other.

As you begin to talk about ways you enjoy sex with your spouse, begin to find out when is the right time of day to be pursuing sex. Right before bed or after she’s been dealt an emotional day with the kids, work or just life in general is not a good time to make your move. If you make your move at a time that she’s not ready, you face being turned down and if you pull off insensitivity over a long period of time, walls can be built up and anger can show up which makes sex less and less frequent which might lead to bitterness, a disconnection in your marriage or worse, an affair or divorce.

When was the last time you played with your spouse? There’s so many different ways to keep the fun in your marriage but it all starts with an attitude of play. Laughter brings couples closer together while playing together creates memories. Think about the last fun thing you did together. If it was too long ago, now is the time to get back to the basics of fun by just choosing an activity, board game, etc. that you both enjoy and make the most of it. In our house, having a Nintendo Wii system has helped us have play time regularly. However, you can make it as affordable as getting out in the yard and tossing around a football. I challenge you to also have play time with other couples. It builds lasting bonds.

Discuss the rules of Outside Relationships

All marriages need boundaries as it pertains to relationships outside your own. No matter how much we don’t think they do, the relationships you have with anyone other than your spouse will affect your marriage in a positive or negative way.

The way to make sure it’s more positive then not, is to talk to your spouse about the relationships they feel good about. Find out the purpose of that outside relationship and just how close it needs to be.

Working relationships, friendships with a neighbor and even extended family can be dangerous without the right kind of do’s and don’t’s. For instance, if you don’t feel comfortable with your spouse having an assistant of the oppostie sex, then you need to set that rule in place. Also, if at any time, you feel uncomfortable with a relationship your spouse has, be open with them. If your spouse comes to you about someone they need to pull back from, you need to ready to do that. Even if it’s work related or a childhood friend, because no one is more important than your spouse.

Boundaries are not set-up because you don’t trust your spouse but to simply protect your marriage.  If a lack of trust is in your marriage then bounardies are even more important so you can regain that trust again.

 In watching Rod Woodson induction into the NFL Hall of Fame this weekend, he pointed his success to a supportive family, his hometown support of Fort Wayne, Indiana and a coach that during his sophomore year wouldn’t let him quit the game of football because it “got too hard.”  Woodson has become known for his Godly life on and off the field.

 I’m finding that my passions have changed. I guess in reality they actually have shifted.

 After almost 18 years of doing radio and being saturated in all the elements of on-air, programming, promotions and strategic marketing, I have never seen myself in doing anything else in my life. It truly is the best job in the world because it doesn’t feel like a job at all. I’ve never tried to pursue the paycheck or job title. It’s just in my blood/soul to the point that I can’t see myself doing anything else.

 Since the launch of the Marriage Playbook, my life lessons have been something that I have become comfortable sharing.  I’ve personally done some major damage to my marriage over the last 12 years. When you’re on the radio, you draw from real life experiences to connect to your listeners but there’s always been that line you don’t cross of what you share.  In the face of dealing with some of the dark areas in my life, I found it easy on and off the air to pretend they didn’t exist or that the person on the radio lived a different life then the person at home.

 Once those parts of my life came to light, I refused to hide behind any part of who I am because I don’t like who am in the darkness.  I’m blessed that my marriage was fixed but that is not the norm for most marriages. I am honest enough with myself now to know to say that I didn’t do anything to fix it other than to say “God Help ME.” In return, that helped my marriage.  It also was a realization that I have not, nor will I ever, achieve anything on my own. It’s by God’s gifts and talents that I get to do what I do. I am truly a blessed man. No more hiding behind the mic. I had to be prepared during that time that my marriage crumbling was the result of bad choices/actions, however, I needed to put that aside so that I could be seen and used by God again.

 With the launch of the Marriage Playbook, I put my very real life on display for the world to see. Whether I’m speaking or writing a blog like this one, this is my new platform.  As hard as it is to admit, what broke down in my marriage I know that the issues are no different than anyone else’s.  They may manifest into different problems in your marriage then they did in mine, but it came down to laziness, contentment and lack of communication that lead to unmet expectations for both my wife and I. It happens but you can recover from it.

 I want to share this part of me so that others facing it won’t just give up. They won’t run from each other when/if it does happen in the future. Marriage trly can be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding parts of life. I also know that by doing what I do through the Marriage Playbook, it helps hold me accountable so that I’m not doomed to repeat my past. Those who read this are ultimately my 12^th Man.

 I don’t know if I ever will leave radio all together, but I feel my desire to go from city to city telling the story of what healing as occurred in my life is becoming a deeper passion.  Being on a microphone somewhere is ok and for anyone who is willing to listen, I believe that we can both learn from each other. I want to share with them so that more healing is generated in life and we all can have a marriage worth inducting into the Hall of Fame.