Many people are afraid to admit it. Even more people are afraid to talk about, but obviously it is happening or there wouldn’t be so many kids running around. People have sex everyday and that is ok. God gave us sex. He gave it to us as something to be enjoyed by a husband and wife, so why are so many people afraid to talk about it?
When we were kids it was something you whispered about if you knew anything about it. Before we got married it was taboo to do it, then suddenly you are married and it is ok, but we can’t wrap our minds around that because for so long it was not allowed or it was wrong. When we get married our bodies belong to our spouse, but if we don’t talk about it, we have no idea what we are doing. Sure we can fumble around and figure out the basics of it, we may even figure out a couple of positions, but without talking about it we are really missing out on all that it could be.
I will admit it, I didn’t talk about it before marriage and even after we were married I was still having a hard time getting past that feeling of doing something wrong. I was afraid to talk about it because what if I hurt his feelings by telling him that it felt wrong and I certainly didn’t want to admit that I didn’t know what I was doing. My story is not unique to me though. I’m not the first and I certainly won’t be the last to be afraid to talk about sex, but I will now step up and say let’s talk about it.
I’ve talked to many people who have never even spoken to their spouse about sex, what they like, what they don’t like, what would they like to try. These same people have also told me they do not really have a very fulfilling sex life either. If God gave us sex don’t you think He wants it to be good? I know I certainly do.
The question is, how do you talk about it? Well obviously sitting around the dinner table with the in-laws is not the best time to tell your spouse what you would like to try new in the bedroom, but out on a date with just the two of you is a great time. If you talk about it enough there is even a good chance of having it that night. First, start off asking what you like about your sex life. Do you like how often you have it? Do you like the way you do it? Whatever you like, tell each other it is ok to admit it. Then tell each other what you would like to do different. Don’t be afraid to be honest here. Chances are they will be into it to or they may never have thought about it before. One rule for this part is don’t judge each other or be afraid to tell what you want because you fear what they will think. Finally if there is something that you don’t like let your spouse know. They will keep on doing it if you don’t tell them and well, no one needs that. Be honest and it really can be amazing.
Early in our marriage I just kind of followed the leader and never even initiated sex, but once I learned that he wanted me to, I made the effort to change that. Most men really do want their wives to anyway. It took a major down time in our marriage before we really started talking about it. I had been too uptight to talk sex. I was torn between my idea of what a Christian woman should be and being the wife he wanted me to be. The thing is there really was no clash here. God wants us to enjoy it and He wants us to talk about it with our spouse. Read Song of Soloman if you don’t believe me. Not only did they tell each other what they loved they wrote it down so others could see it too. You know what that means? It means it ok to talk about it with others too.
My experience in discussing sex with other women has shown me much. In a ladies Bible study I was a part of, we danced around the topic, but we never really got into it. In a large group of women that I spoke to the women seemed all to eager to discuss sex. They did not however seem to feel comfortable really getting into the touchier subjects though. I got the feeling with both of these groups that they were all uncomfortable talking about it any further than the basics. We could talk about men wanting us to initiate it or how men want it more than the women, but we never really talked about how often sex occurred or even when it occurred. For those kinds of conversations I have found a small group of women or even a one on one with another woman was best. It is easiest to talk about sex in a group where you are completely comfortable. I’ve only had this a few times, but each time it has been very freeing and somewhat educational. You don’t have to talk about absolutely everything you do in the bedroom, but talking about things like pain during sex or what you enjoy or don’t enjoy can be eye openers. You can get ideas for your own sex life or you can learn something about your own body you didn’t know. I speak from experience there. Without going into great detail due to wide readership here, I will just say that by speaking to another woman about sex I discovered something I didn’t know simply because no one had ever told me. It made a difference and actually made sex better.
Honestly, if you never talk about it, how do you know what you do is right? Sure maybe it feels good, but could it feel better? Do you know everything you need to know to make sex the best it can be? Really that’s what we need to ask ourselves here. So talk to your spouse, talk to your friends and make it better than you ever thought it could be and when you’re done, thank God for this wonderful gift He gave us. It will certainly be worth it in the end.

The Marriage Playbook
~where marriage is going~