With the recent Major League Baseball All-Star game and home run derby,we got to see the best of professional baseball come together to show what they are capable of doing. Josh Hamilton showed up and showed off with an amazing 28 home runs in round 1, WOW! The other major trophy too is having homefield advantage during the World Series which this year went to the American League.

The great thing that makes the all-star games for professional sports so great is that a player is deemed good enough for all-star status at some point in the season. When they’ve made enough goals, touchdowns, yards, assists, RBI’s and home runs, they are stamped with an all-star brand the rest of the season.

In your marriage, you have to decided when you want to play like an all-star. It’s takes discipline, focus, training and a passion to want it to be better then it is right now. Even if you are in a bad season as a team, you can still be a star player by stepping up and being your best based on your talents and ability to listen to wisdom around you; whether that’s God’s Wisdom or from a family member or friend. In the end, you inspire other players AKA your spouse and other teams or in this case, other married people to see what an All-Star Marriage can look like.

What talent YOU have, to be the only person God thought worthy to be with your mate. You are the only one that can complete the team in your home. To be the coach when times are tough or to affirm the team in those moments that the team is makes it though and winning because you had a plan and you stuck to it.

In order to have an All-Star Marriage, it takes sacrifice and putting your spouse and their needs ahead of your own. An athlete does the same as he strives to make his team look the best they can and you have the opportunity to do the same when you ask the question, “What can I do right now that will make my marriage better, TODAY?” It could be showing your spouse love in their favorite love language. Expressing that and being in tune with how to speak it frequently is enough to make your relationship an All-Star Marriage with “home” field advantage.

The Marriage Playbook
~where marriage is going~

I’m not sure if you have heard the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns, but this song really hits home for me. It talks about how bad choices aren’t made overnight.
8 years ago, I made time for my husband everyday. He worked second shift doing nights on the station he was on at the time and I worked during the day.

Due to way too much work being asked of him he went into work long before I got off and so in order to see my husband I went and had dinner with him every night. I’d say we probably spent more quality time together then, than we did when he began getting off of work at 2 everyday and I was a stay at home mom. Ironic huh?
Why the change? Well, we did what ALOT of couples do, we had kids and we allowed them to take up our time.
Now, of course, children need your time too, but how many of us let them become our focus. You might think, “They can’t help themselves and my spouse can.” True, but do you really think you are doing them any favors, by letting them be the center of your world? It is easy to do. You don’t wake up one morning and say I am not going to spend any quality time with my spouse today and yet over time that happens. First it is because you are so tired because you are getting up every night with the baby and if you are like many people you even make the bigger mistake of letting the baby in the bed with you. “Well they sleep better in our bed.” SO!? They actually sleep better if you let them learn to go to sleep on their own. (That is a soap box of mine, sorry)
Then, if you do get them out of your bed and they do sleep through the night, you start planning your day around their nap and after that there are playgroups and swim lessons and anything else we feel we need to fill our child’s day up with. All the while, our spouse is not getting the attention they need and our child is getting more than they need.
I am a stay at home Mom. Now there are perks to it and a lot of things I like about it, but one of the biggest pitfalls of it is it makes it really easy to become child centered. I have more time with them so lets do more things with them. It is an easy mistake to make. See how the fade happens and we don’t even see it coming?

On the other side of the ’slow fade’ is the husband or working spouse, I don’t want to assume all moms stay home, but in some cases they do. So as he goes to work everyday, he is being the provider or one of them and he is interacting with other adults all day and when he comes home he quite often comes home to a frazled female and kids who want Daddy time. Here I have to stop and issue a challenge, if you are the second spouse home don’t you dare kiss your kids before you kiss your spouse and if you are the first spouse home don’t you dare let your kids get there first. This is a game at my house almost, but still the girls know I get the first kiss even if I am in the bathroom, they have to wait until I get my kiss before they can get theirs.

Anyway, back the husband coming home. Lets stop and think about this for a moment, men and women, if you have been working all day and you come home to a couple of screaming kids and a wife with a crinkle between her eyes who is still in her pajama pants and she tells you about how chaotic a day she had because one of the kids painted the couch or fell on the playground, does that make you excited about coming home? I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t want to come home to that and yet everyday spouses deal with that. As this happens more and more often, maybe he is less motivated about coming home on time. Maybe it is more fun being at work where at least he is appreciated.
There is also the case of the overworked spouse as well. Their job keeps demanding more and more of them. Maybe in this day of layoffs and downsizing more is being expected. I know I have seen my husband be expected to do 5 peoples jobs. Maybe it saves the company money, but at what price? So the husband works all day and then still has to do more work when he gets home and so the flip side of the slow fade is he isn’t giving the quality time either.

I have heard couples say they haven’t had a date night in years, let me just say that there is NO EXCUSE for that. If you can’t afford a babysitter then find another couple and share babysitting with them. We have become so isolated now that we can stay at home and comunicate with the world via the computer and cell phone that we tend to not leave home or have truly meaningful relationships with people. A text mesage here, an email there, but the close friendships people used to have is fading away. This is not good for marriages. You need other couples that you can do life with. You may not have a lot in common, but if you wait until you find someone you do, you will never find them. Honestly, most of the couple friends we have hung out with have VERY LITTLE in common with us and the older we get the more we see that, but we still need to take that step if for no other reason then do it for your kids. Your kids need to see mommy and daddy doing something besides focusing on the kids.

Date nights are a must and a good rule for them is no talking about the kids for at least the first hour. If you think it doesn’t matter if you have date nigts you are wrong. Time together after the kids go to sleep does not count as a date night. Either send the kids to a friends house or leave them at home with a sitter, just make your spouse a priority or you will see that ’slow fade.’

I will be honest here too, if we as wives don’t make our husband a priorty and make him feel special someone else will and while his resolve may be strong in the beginning and neither of you may think it could happen it can. These things don’t just happen over night and as you are busy with the kids, that slow fade is happening. I am not saying if you don’t date your mate or you make your kids the center of your world that an affair will happen, but there are other things that can invade just as easily and one day you wake up and you don’t know the person you are married to. You wonder how you got there and that slow fade will suddenly be a run away boulder that is almost impossible to stop.

If you’ve had the chance to see the new FOX show, “The Moment Of Truth”, then you might have already formed an opinion of whether it’s a show of controversy or not.It may be controversial that you see the true side of people, but we do live in a world with this goes on everyday. We lie, steal, have affairs, look at inappropriate stuff on the net and We all do “little” things we don’t want others to know. That’s between you God as to what you do about it. So it’s not scandelious, just sad and judgemental.

As the show pertains to people reveiling secrects about their marriages, I’d say this show is very good. One, it opens up the line of communication that desperately needs to be in all marriages. Two, as a couple who might watch it, you will find that there are questions you may need to address in your own relationship. It’s not that national TV is the place to annouce these things, but that’s a choice some people will make. That’s how Maury and Jerry Springer managed to make money off this side of people for years.We’re not saying expose things in your relationship so that you can be insecure or make things harder. It’s the dark side, that we DON’T talk about, that can ruin the relationship. It’s talking about it and sheading light on it, that helps you draw closer to your spouse. By planning and talking, you plan to succeed in your relationship.

The Marriage Playbook
~where marriage is going~

During this years NFL football season, we watched the New England Patriots strive for perfection with an undefeated season, while in the same season watched the Miami Dolphins crumble with only one win out of 16 games.

Now if you’re not into NFL, the Dolphins were spoken about in the same breathe as the Patriots because the 1972 Miami Team is the ONLY team in NFL history to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. So in contrast to the Dolphins past and the present, where do you judge them for the future?

In your own marriage, you might be glowing in your past victories realizing that the present state of your ‘team’ is in ruins or vice versa. Whether your in your first marriage and wanting more or in your 2nd or 3rd try at finding oneness with the person you have chosen to share your life and ‘junk’ with, the past doesn’t have to define your future seasons.

The point is to learn from the bad choices you’ve made and grow from that. The only way a team gets better is to learn why then have been loosing, overcome the ‘injuries’ and formulate a plan that daily makes them stronger.

You can have a lifetime of wonderful in your marriage when you let go of the past. Your past relationships or marriages have shaped you to where you are, but what are you doing to say “this is where I want to going?”

The Marriage Playbook
~where marriage is going~

With this weekend being the draft for the NFL, for months, each team has been looking at the strengths and weaknesses of their team along with the financial reality of how much they can spend on those players. They then take that and look at what players are avaliable for trade and signing. The good of the team is made better when they make good decisions based on the need they have for the upcoming season.

All the teams have a playbook and the best useof that playbook will make one team the next Super Bowl Champ.

In the next few months, you will be getting your family break tax refund check. 300-1200 bucks will be given back to you for what the government hopes you will then go and spend on things that will better the economy for the U.S.What happens if you look at your money situation and see where the biggest need is and spent the check on that?

Maybe you have debt to payoff! Or simply need an emergency fund in place to save for a rainy day. Even if your check doesn’t pay off your debts, but gets you closer to a debt free living, that’s the best investment you could make for your own economy. Even giving it away to a family/person/organization in need can be another way to invest into your sphere of influence.

We have to draft things and people into our life that will make us better and seeing that money problems put a bigger stress on your marriage then any other factor, the time is now to come up with a plan for our playbook to use this money wisely. Note: If you haven’t had a date nite with your spouse in a while, pull some money out of this refund to pay for babysitter and do something out with your spouse. That investment comes back in 10 fold.

Date Your Mate In ‘08!
The Marriage Playbook™
~where marriage is going~

Again this weekend, I’m finding out about a ministry friend whose marriage is ending.

It angers me for the lives blow up by Satan’s lies, I’m in awe of the healing and glad what God will do through this and I’m curious why this keeps happening?!?
Marriage has that 50/50 chance of success based on the distractions of the world that cause relationships to fail. Love at first sight and even love with the right investment can allow life to distract us from the focus that our marriage needs IF WE LET IT! The good news is WE CAN stop it from affecting us.

No matter how scary the thought of job changes, moving to a new area, etc are, these are the things that get in the way of a what should be the best relationship you have in this world, next to one with Jesus Christ! We say we are making a sacrifce for the ministry we are called to but I don’t wanna be the one standing before God one day answering for the marriaged that failed all for the sake of ‘ministry’. I don’t think I’m alone in this backwards thinking.

If you are a husband and haven’t read 1 Timothy 3, do that NOW! Your ability to lead your home and family is the most important thing in the world. Your ministry, your job, the expectations and comfort zone you are afraid to see shaken is never as bad as the reality of loosing your family.

If letting go of your spouse for the good of their soul relationship with God is something you’ve realized you have to do, I hurt for you today. However, that is all you can do. Don’t pray for God to save your marriage but to soften hearts so that you and your spouse can have the kinda relationship with God that you should have. The marriage may or may not be fixed, but that is the best move you can make to even standing a chance of that ever happening.
If you are in ministry and need to really evaluate your marriage this week, GO MAKE IT BETTER! Whatever it takes! God gave you your ministry, but at what cost of lost.
WE are praying for you and your marriage and pray that Satan no longer wins in the distroying of one more marriage.

The Marriage Playbook
~where marriage is going~

Like all great movies that make us want to be better people, most of them have a theme song that works like a fight song does in sports to rally teams to win.
It could be Rocky Balboa running up the stairs while the words “Growing Strong now” play behind him or John Williams orchestrated tapestry in the Star Wars saga that makes you fill like in that moment you have Jedi powers defeating the Sith with one hand tied behind your back. The theme song for Fireproof is downloadable this week, written by Warren Barfield appropriately entitled “Love is not a Fight”. Whether you’re married or not, take notice of the life lessons of the lyrics. It sheds light on the reality that even though we love our spouses greatly, small things start to creep in and it in those moments you have to love your spouse more than your pride, more then wanting to be right and find ways to move though life’s good and bad times.
This song unveils that love is not a feeling; that love is the choice you have for your husband/wife and the passion that comes from looking back on how love brought you through the tough times.
The next time you listen to a love song, maybe the one you danced to at your wedding, and hear it not as the song that makes you want to hold on to the ooey-gooey feelings that we think love is but hear it as a song that says love is about survival. It’s pulls you through.
Marriage, like parenting, gives us opportunities to see what we are made of. You may have been selfish in your relationship; we all are at some point. Love songs should be our anthems, made for champions, making you so selfish that you say things like, “That’s MY Bride/Husband” or “That’s my Marriage”. Barfield captures the passion for when you work as teams after you take vows, you start to ‘fireproof’ your own marriage by saying ‘love is not a fight, but it’s worth fighting for.’

When you got married, there were certain needs and desires, expectations even, that moved you to say “I do”.
Now as you grow and change, you start to see new needs or old ones that are neglected. The Marriage Playbook is finishing resources to help you better your relationship with your spouse, so we ask, what do YOU need?
What topics or areas of discussion do you want to know more about that can be made avaliable to you. This will be something that can be used as a one-to-one time with your spouse or by large groups or churches.
Your input may can really help make sure we are providing for you something other marriage ministries doesn’t provide.
Thanks in advance for your input, hope you get a chance to date your mate this weekend.
The Marriage Playbook (TM)
~where marriage is going~